Tuesday, May 31, 2011

Super Mom!

one night, i dreamt about my eldest son who is hearing impaired. i dreamt that i was teaching him some basic sign for "mommy", "daddy", "thank you", and "i love you". i was frustrated because my son was not following my signs. but was surprised when he spoke and said "mommy, mahal kita, thank you." i suddenly woke up from that dream, crying in the middle of the night. i held my son who was sleeping, hugged him and kissed him. after that dream, i came to realize something.

 

there's this girl whom i've known for quite sometime now that recently caught my attention. she is a single mom of two kids, an eight-year-old boy and a four-year-old pretty girl. she is working miles away from her kids, earning a decent salary which is enough for her to give her children a better life. she has a baby face, you wouldnt believe that she's older than she looks, a good and supportive circle of friends, good set of talents, and freedom. i never knew her past or what her life has been. i never knew her deep enough to conclude what her positive and negative qualities and traits are. she is an acquaintance.

for years, i've looked at her as someone who's proud and confident of herself. something that i admired in her. from the way she looks, she has a long enviously beautiful hair, a sweetest face and a tough appearance, sure you wouldnt want to mess with her. i admire the strength that she has, living alone in a big, foreign city, being far from her children. i wonder how she do it as i have not imagined myself being far from my children just for a day. i admire her for the determination that she has. determination to get a better job which would pay her enough to give her children not just only food on their table but the better if not the best of everything that her children could want. i admire her perseverance, waking up and ready to face a tiring and stressful day everyday at work just to give her children a better future. i admire her love for her children that she chose to be away from them just to give them more of what a parent should give her child. and that made me realize that im lucky enough to be on my children's side. im lucky enough that i have a choice  to be here with them, especially my deaf son who needs extensive care and attention. i know, if she also had the choice to stay, she will. afterall, who doesnt want to stay at their children's side to take care of them? i hope that time will come that no parent shall go abroad in hopes of a better job just to feed her family and then years after, regret that she have chosen to go abroad only to feel that her children have grown colder to her for she was not the one who took care of them way back then. just like what happened to me and my dad. we had a distant relationship since i grew up without him.

 

in our present time, there are a lot of women like her who fight loneliness and longing for their children in a distant and more industrialized country to be able to get a better, stable, and high paying job to give their family the comfort and convenience of a good life. they endure the pain of being away just to give their family a better future. and with the latest developments in our technology today, its easier for them to see and talk to their family whenever their time allow, wherever they may be. now i know where all her strength, her determination, and her perseverance come from.

 

 

the inspiration for this entry is someone i never got the chance to talk to. i just observed her from afar and does not claim that everything i've written here is what represent her. she just became an inspiration in my own perspective. anyhow, to the inspiration of this note, i apologize for writing this one without permission. i was just so inspired i've written this impulsively.  :)

Monday, May 30, 2011

The married life.

attending a wedding ceremony is such a great feeling. when i was watching my husband's cousin's wedding yesterday, from the wedding march to the exchange of vows then to the most awaited part, the kiss of the couple as husband and wife, i dreamt of my own wedding. i dreamt about the gown i will be wearing on that momentous day, the songs will be played, the reception, my friends and relatives who would be there, and of course, the man i want to marry. the feeling was very solemn, very dreamy, very joyful. of course, a lot of women dream to have the perfect wedding with the man they love the most. but what happens after the wedding?

 

being a wife is a VERY big responsibility. you have to satisfy your husband's and the whole family's needs. you are incharge of almost everything. budgeting the funds, groceries, laundry, house chores, and of course, the kids. you are lucky if you are rich enough to get a yaya for the kids. even if women today tend to have jobs, still they are the ones who will do a lot of house work when they get home. sometimes, we view the wedding as "the happily ever after" part of our romantic relationship with someone, as the fairytale's usual ending. but everything doesnt stops there. some months or years after the wedding, we begin to see some turn offs in our spouses as they also see some turnoffs in us. we often found out that they are a heavy snorer or someone with stinky feet. our spouses also found out that we, their wives doesnt know how to cook or do the laundry, just like me when my husband and i was starting to live together. sometimes, we tend to have a petty fight over something little. i remember way back, we used to fight over the kind of music which would be played during our past time. i, as a rock music lover plays wolfgang or greenday and he, as an old-fashioned, nostalgic guy, loves to play sinatra, the platters, or basil valdez. other times, if we fight over petty things, how much more if we had a big problem to face? i remember way back, my husband and i fought because i went on a night out with my friends after my class. he was really angry and said "may asawa't anak kna, ndi kna dapat gumigimik!" and i was really really upset. then after that night, he also went home at 2 in the morning, drunk, so i said "sabe mo kanina maaga kang uuwi, oo nga maaga pra bukas." "nayaya xe ako ni sir __ sabe nia pag ndi ako sumama kahit saglit sesante nako." he told me. that was so unfair! he has such a valid idea to go on a gimik. after that, we talked about it and we agreed that no one will go on a gimik or we could go on a gimik together.

 

for four years that i have been a mom and a wife, i've learned a lot of things. yes, being inlove is a very great feeling. it makes you feel inspired. it makes you feel like cinderella or belle or snow white. but life isnt like a fairy tale. did you happen to ask yourself what happened to those princesses after they married their prince charming?

 

i've learned that being inlove should also take actions. if you love your spouse, you should accept his or her flaws. may it be a stinky feet, a heavy snoring, (yey! i've endured that for four years and counting!) a not so delicious dish by your wife, a not so perfect ironing of clothes, (which my husband brags about, lol) and any other positive and negative traits. i've also learned to adjust according to my spouse's likes and dislikes. if you dont want each other's music, then you should learn to like it, or appreciate it. i've also learned that you cant change a person. that person will change for her or himself. but if you are inlove, you are willing to change for the better because you love that person and you want to be the best for him/her. i've learned that if you love a person or your family, especially if you're a mom and a wife, you should learn how to cook, do the laundry, clean the house, care for the children (which im proud to say i've learned already for four years.)i've also learned to budget and live frugally. dont ever buy things that are not needed especially if you are on a tight budget. i've learned that if your spouse is mad, you shouldnt fight back.  dont heat up the argument. let her or him speak or NAG and then when he/she calms down, ask her and talk about it. that way you will solve the problem. and finally, i've leaned that you should never go to bed mad at each other. try to fix misunderstandings at least before going to sleep. that way, you both will have a goodnight sleep..or some sexy time before going to sleep. ;) 

 

there are things in life that we never know until we decided to settle down and build our own family. we learn a lot from the married life because that's where everything start. everything starts at home. i've learned a lot of things but im sure i'll learn a lot more as time passes by. i've experienced things and learned from them. but what's important, is being able to build a happy and loving home for the children. cherish every moment that we're together, and be happy with our family. i've been a wife and a mom at 20 and i know there's still a long way to go. whatever things that will go our way, i'm sure, my husband and i will make it through and will stay stronger with each passing years. after all, that's what a husband and wife's supposed to be. that's what we have promised god. "through thick and thin, in sickness and in health, til death do us part".

 

though it may be a little late, well, its better late than never. 

my husband and i plans to get married soon. we just have to fix everything and put everything in its proper place.

 

for now, congratulations to the newly weds. :)

 

 

 

disclaimer: this is only in my own perspective. you're free to leave any comment, violent reactions, suggestions. otherwise, enjoy reading! :)

Friday, May 27, 2011

the first teacher

i want to learn a lot of things. i've researched and practiced on the things that interests me. when i was in grade school, i've learned how to play a guitar on my own. i used to borrow my cousin's guitar every weekend and spent the whole saturdays and sundays practicing. i've also learned how to draw. i used to have a sketchpad and drew the things that fascinates me, especially some anime characters. i love to read books and im proud to say that i've read a lot of novels and textbooks. when i was in highschool, i've learned how to dance and was a part of a cheering team. i've also learned the taekwondo and went to some interschool competition but i've retired early though. when i was in college, i've learned how to write an essay with minimal errors. i've learned a lot of things. now that i am a mom, i have learned that learning doesnt have to be only from school. we can learn about life through our experiences. i've learned that a mom should be the one to protect her child at any cost. she should be the one to fight for her children's rights. she should be the one to cultivate and develop her children's talents. she should be her children's first teacher. i am so glad that i have never let any barriers stop me from learning. i'm happy that i've learned so many things and continue to learn things that i have no knowledge of. and now, im imparting that knowledge to my children. im teaching them how to play the guitar. im teaching them to draw. im teaching them to love one another for they are brothers, and they can only count on each other when problems arise. im teaching them some things a normal kid should learn. im not a perfect mom and may not be the best mom in the world but im trying to teach them what they should learn and give them the very best love that i could give. the joy of being a mother is being able to see the good things that your child has learned from you. being able to see that your children have grown to be a better person and use the things that you have taught them. for the mother is the only person that can guide a child to be the person that they can be in the future.

Monday, May 09, 2011

My Two Moms

i couldnt help but cry everytime i hear news of abortions, fetus being dumped in trash cans, babies left by their mothers in an orphanage or worse, in an airplane's comfort room. how can these women throw away such a wonderful gift from god? 

i cant help but think about my own life. yes. i am one of those babies. im just so lucky that before i was born, there is already someone who's willing to give a mom's love to me though im really not her own. and she's my "kinagisnang ina".

when i found out about the truth, that was sometime in 2007 when i already have my first son, i was really devastated. 

all i felt was that i am cheated. i was so empty. i was very helpless. and i began to hate everything. i asked god why did my mom threw me away? doesnt she loved me? why did she have to do that?  up to this moment, i never knew why.

when i sometimes ponder on things, i couldnt help but think if she felt what i felt when i found out that im pregnant. was she happy? or sad? does she talk to me when i was in her tummy? does she smile when she felt me kick inside her? did she somehow loved me? still i dont know. for years, i was filled with love by my foster mom. i never felt that i am adopted. she treated me like her own. she gave me everything. she made sure that i get all what i need. 

i sometimes wonder if my real mom thinks of me. if she wanted to hug me, kiss me, say things a mom should tell her child. but still i dont know. after all, she already threw me before i was born. i have a lot of things to ask her. i have alot of things to tell her. but i know still wont find out how. 

i've realized that to be called a mother, its not important if a child comes from a woman's womb. what's important is that a woman is willing to love and cherish a child though that child didnt came from her. that she's willing to call a child her own and give that child the right to a mother's love. i adore my mom so much because she loved me like no other. she made me feel that i belong to her. she made me feel that im not different. she treated me as her own.

to all moms, grand moms, moms-to-be, moms like my mom, frustrated mom, all kinds of moms, and to your moms, Happy mother's day to all of us. :)