Monday, April 25, 2011

Actions Speak Louder Than words.

When i found out that my eldest son, carl is congenitally hearing impaired, i was devastated. i felt like i was betrayed. i felt like i was being abandoned. i felt empty. lost. robbed. grief.
it was all beyond my expectations. i wanted to break things. i wanted to scream. i wanted to shout. but all i could do was cry. My son was born a healthy baby. i remember when i was in the delivery room, i was sedated then because i delivered him through ceasarian section, i was awakened by his boisterous cry. when i opened my eyes and got a sight of him, i saw him crying vigorously, a sign of a strong and healthy baby. his skin color was pinkish and soft. his apgar score is 9 out of 10, also a sign of health. months later, I didn't notice some abnormalities. he laughs, he cries, he sleep soundly, and of course, he plays with everyone in front of him. until his 6th month, where he was supposed to know his name and responded whenever someone calls his name. he never looked around or even get startled when there is a loud noise. i began to suspect that he was hearing impaired. i remembered then that i acquired german measles or also known as rubella a month before i found out that i was pregnant. being a nursing student, i was aware of the possible effects of the rubella virus to the unborn baby. on his first birthday, he learned how to walk alone. actually, he have all the developmental milestones on the right age but still he does not learn to speak or utter the word "mama" or "mommy", the usual first words of babies. i began to worry so i have him checked by an ENT specialist which referred us to an ABR test. there we found out that carl is bilaterally profound hearing impaired. i began to cry. i cried because that's not what i expected. i cried because all my dreams for him was all shattered. i didnt know how to guide him, or to teach him things which a normal kid should learn. i cried because i pitied him. how can he survive to this cruel and mean society? where people ridicule each disabled person? im hurt thinking that people might laugh at him or make fun of him or which any way that will hurt him. as years pass by, i developed the mother's instinct. seriously, i would kill anyone who will hurt my son in any way. my son grew up a very energetic, happy, strong, and intelligent kid. now, he's turning 4 years old this october and i am proud to say that i am very happy with his developments. he learned how to play and interact with normal kids his age. he learned to potty train. he learned to eat all by him self. he learned to change clothes, actually he learned how to choose what color and style of clothes he would want to wear. most especially, he learned how to show love to the people around him. to his brothers, to his dad, to me his mom, to his nanay and tatay and mommy lola and daddy lolo, and to everyone. he never failed to wave hello and smile though he could only gave gestures not words. but as the saying goes, actions speak louder than words. maybe i under estimated my son in some way but of course, i just want to protect him. i would give everything just to make sure he's safe and healthy. now, we are getting ready for his big leap from toddler-hood. he's goin to school!!! yey!! i am very much excited as i am very much nervous. but i know he can make it. he can now distinguish colors and shapes so i know he'll gonna make it. i am looking forward to further our communication with him through ASL or american sign language which is taught at the philippine school for the deaf. my son, though he cannot utter just a single word, with the help of the supportive people around him not just us his parents, and of course,with the help of our Loving God, could now survive and live normally and successfully in this cruel and mean world. I BELIEVE.

"In that day the deaf will hear the words of the scroll, and out of gloom and darkness the eyes of the blind will see." --isaiah 29:18