one night, i dreamt about my eldest son who is hearing impaired. i dreamt that i was teaching him some basic sign for "mommy", "daddy", "thank you", and "i love you". i was frustrated because my son was not following my signs. but was surprised when he spoke and said "mommy, mahal kita, thank you." i suddenly woke up from that dream, crying in the middle of the night. i held my son who was sleeping, hugged him and kissed him. after that dream, i came to realize something.
there's this girl whom i've known for quite sometime now that recently caught my attention. she is a single mom of two kids, an eight-year-old boy and a four-year-old pretty girl. she is working miles away from her kids, earning a decent salary which is enough for her to give her children a better life. she has a baby face, you wouldnt believe that she's older than she looks, a good and supportive circle of friends, good set of talents, and freedom. i never knew her past or what her life has been. i never knew her deep enough to conclude what her positive and negative qualities and traits are. she is an acquaintance.
for years, i've looked at her as someone who's proud and confident of herself. something that i admired in her. from the way she looks, she has a long enviously beautiful hair, a sweetest face and a tough appearance, sure you wouldnt want to mess with her. i admire the strength that she has, living alone in a big, foreign city, being far from her children. i wonder how she do it as i have not imagined myself being far from my children just for a day. i admire her for the determination that she has. determination to get a better job which would pay her enough to give her children not just only food on their table but the better if not the best of everything that her children could want. i admire her perseverance, waking up and ready to face a tiring and stressful day everyday at work just to give her children a better future. i admire her love for her children that she chose to be away from them just to give them more of what a parent should give her child. and that made me realize that im lucky enough to be on my children's side. im lucky enough that i have a choice to be here with them, especially my deaf son who needs extensive care and attention. i know, if she also had the choice to stay, she will. afterall, who doesnt want to stay at their children's side to take care of them? i hope that time will come that no parent shall go abroad in hopes of a better job just to feed her family and then years after, regret that she have chosen to go abroad only to feel that her children have grown colder to her for she was not the one who took care of them way back then. just like what happened to me and my dad. we had a distant relationship since i grew up without him.
in our present time, there are a lot of women like her who fight loneliness and longing for their children in a distant and more industrialized country to be able to get a better, stable, and high paying job to give their family the comfort and convenience of a good life. they endure the pain of being away just to give their family a better future. and with the latest developments in our technology today, its easier for them to see and talk to their family whenever their time allow, wherever they may be. now i know where all her strength, her determination, and her perseverance come from.
the inspiration for this entry is someone i never got the chance to talk to. i just observed her from afar and does not claim that everything i've written here is what represent her. she just became an inspiration in my own perspective. anyhow, to the inspiration of this note, i apologize for writing this one without permission. i was just so inspired i've written this impulsively. :)